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Sad but true.
All About Us
Well, I started out at a hell on earth called Saint Francis, that tried to brainwash me into becoming Catholic in kindergarten, which was disgusting. My parents realized how stupid the school was and took me out. Then I went to a non-religious hellhole called, well Nor**...I have to censor that so they don't call unions and threaten to sue me again, like they did when I was 12. Most recently, I was dumped in yet another hellhole, Suncrest. But now, I am scheduled to go to the mother of all hell, MHS...for the next 4 years of my life. I can't wait.
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School Life
SMASHING PUMPKINS, Queen, Cranberries, Beastie Boys, Prodigy, Alanis Morrisette, Prince (who looks like Darien), Culture Club, Rocky Horror Picture Show, Beck (!), Men at Work, Don McLean, Radiohead, Bjork, Dave Matthews Band, and like a whole lot of other stuff are kick ass music. What Aaron and I both agree on, though, is that boy bands suck, N*SYNC, Backstreet Boys, Five, 98 Degrees, they all suck with a vengance. Hanson hit puberty so they're out of the picture. But the real enemy is teen superwhore Britney Spears. One cannot believe how much she sucks. And for Christ's sake, 2gether or whatever is not even a band, and it's making fun of boy bands! Shit, how stupid are people if they like that? Also, Dawson's Creek sucks. |
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Personal Profile: Jess.
The Richest Hobo is a rich middle aged guy who lives in a cardboard mansion in an alleyway in the Bronx. It has a great view of the dumpster! His summer home is under a bridge, by a river. He has a friend named Stumpy who lost all of his limbs in Nam. All except a little stub of his shoulder, which starts to shake when he gets angry. When Richest and Stumpy go out, he straps Stump ofto hios back and they're good to go! His favorite fast food place is a dumpster, and he's obsessed with Busta Rhymes, even though he's as white as white can be. Mr. HappySad is a mutant. They (yes, they) were born in the Land of Oxymorons. Mr. Happy is always sad and depressed, and Mr. Sad is the happiest guy alive. They go out with Ms. TimidBrave, even though they are bisexual and Mr. Sad is a flamboyant transvestite, and their best friend is Well Wisher Hopeful-Despair. There is a ten page article about them, but I'm far too lazy to type it, so you'll have to email me for more info. There should soon be a Mr. HappySad page up and running. Alice and Alan live in the ghetto of L.A., where Alan is a drag queen and Alice is a crackwhore. They meet quite by accident one magical night in LA - LA Land, as Alan is going to a gay bar and Alice is walking the point. Alan, the silly goose he is, trips on his platform shoes with goldfish swimming in them and falls into Alice, sending them both into an open sewerhole which takes them to a Harlem wonderland. Is it real, or are they just total crackheads? This is one remake of Lewis Carroll the Pedophile's classic novel, "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland" that you will not want to miss. More character profiles and the actual stories will be posted later, as this website is under hopelessly heavy construction. 
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Music
Here are some dumb questions I found on various sites that I answered. Enjoy.- What's your biggest secret?: I have a slight thing for Dave Matthews. I don't know. It confuses me. So many Daves, so little time! (Foley, Spade, Matthews...)
- If you were another person, would you be friends with you?: God, yes! If only there was another me!
- Who is your favorite star?: Well, it used to be Simon but now he hates me, so I guess you all know my favorite star.
- Do you believe in the existence of soul mates and true love?: I used to. Maybe I still do.
- Which person do you hate?:YELENA YEMCHUK. Also, Bob Saggot (Intentional misspelling), Michael Jackson, and Britney Spears and company for destroying music and putting the greatest band of our generation to its final rest.
- What do you predict for the future of mankind?: I'll marry Dave Foley and/or Billy Corgan and then we'll all evolve into Numahs!
- If you were stranded on an island with a coconut tree, how would you use a rope, a mirror, a Stanley knife, and a bag of sugar cubes to survive?: I'd eat the sugar, make a noose out of the rope and tie it to the coconut tree, and strategically place the mirror so it would start a fire. Then I would hang myself and die in a firey hell. Hey, it's better than sitting on an island like an ass forever.
- What is your favorite movie and why?: I have a couple. Amadeus because it's a good movie, The Fly becuase Jeff Goldblum is naked in it, It's Pat and Brain Candy because they're HILARIOUS, The Nightmare Before Christmas because the animation kicks, but Monkeybone because I know Dave Foley is going to be naked in it.
- What color describes your personality best and why this color?: Yellow, not because I'm happy all the time or anything, I just like the color and it's the color of ducklings.
- If you could have one superpower, what would it be?: X-Ray vision, to be able to see under SOME people's clothes, just not Tim Allen, Chuck Norris, ect.
- What is your religion?: Atheism
- Tell me about your first love: Tall, gorgeous, ingenius: Billy Corgan!
- What is your philosophy on life?: Life is short, life is shit, and soon, it will be over.
- What is the most ridiculous thing you have ever heard?: "The teen years are the best of your life". Come on!
- What is the strangest thing that ever happened to you?: Let me just say this...I have the magical power to get celebrities that I like divorced.
- What do you want to be when you grow up?:A sketch comedian. And a rock star, but I have no talent (that doesn't mean a thing nowadays, but I won't clutter up the radio with garbage like SOME people) so I won't even bother with that.
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